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Thin people

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I am not thin, but I’m not fat either. I’m quite regular, size Small. So why can’t I complain about my body? Thin people also have issues about their body.

The reason I’m blogging about this, is because I was with some friends yesterday and we got talking about beauty and bodies and self confidence. I told them that I didn’t really like my body and that I felt like losing a few pounds, and my friend who is a bit bigger than me, gave me this look. Who the hell do you think you are too say something like that?

Thin people also have body issues. Most girls have, and I don’t think that we should judge people by that, no matter how thin or beautiful they are. No matter what, one should be allowed to have issues with one self. I don’t say that we should, but I would rather want my friends to help me get over my issues or look past them. Not saying that they don’t matter because I’m thin.

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Oh dear!

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I have been postponing this post for a long time now, and I still don’t really know what to write. I have written, deleted and rewritten this post so many times, I don’t even know what it is about anymore. After Christmas, I decided to take an unofficial break from blogging to focus on the violin. I had a big audition to the Norwegian Academy of Music, the place I have wanted to study for ten years. I didn’t get in, so I’ve been kind of numb ever since. I needed time to process, and that’s why I’ve been gone for so long. Now, in the other hand I’ve decided to take a year off to practice and get in next year. My teacher was in my jury, and he said I was really close, so I’m positive I’ll get in next year. Wish me luck. See you later!

Saved by the Hobbit

December is everything but relaxing for a musician. I constantly have to play somewhere. This weekend I had a concert on Sunday, and then another one on Monday. Besides this I have school. What I am trying to say is that I am tired, no make that exhausted!

Yesterday someone was talking about the premiere to the Hobbit. I really wanted to go, but thought it was all sold out. It wasn’t. I got myself a ticket and went to the midnight-premiere. It was amazing!

I cannot say I relaxed very much, because so much happened in the movie, but I had a really good time and did something just for fun for the first time in a really long time.

Today, for various reasons, I did not have school, so I have been home the entire day. I have made gingerbread, danced around to goofy music, cleaned the apartment. (Which it really needed), and just relaxed. I have drunk more tea than I have the entire month put together, and painted small “nisser”.

An absolutely perfect day. I think I will make it the last week to Christmas-break after all.

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Happy Christmas every one!

The terrible day

The Chai-latte in my hand is scolding, but I drink it anyway. There is something soothing with the warmth that I can’t really explain.

It has been a terrible day. The morning was lovely; I woke up on my grandmother’s sofa, showered and ate breakfast before I sat down with a great book.  Afterwards I had a violin-lesson in another town and had to take the train. The train was 45 minutes late, and this is where the problems started. My grandmother, the darling, drove me all the way to my teacher and I got there on time. Then, when I am to open my violin-case, it is locked, and the keys are at my grandmothers. My teacher let me use her violin, but tomorrow I am trying out new violins, and for that I need my own bow.

Now I am sitting at the train station, waiting for a train back to my Grandmother to get my keys before I can go home.

The music turns, and Sibelius violin concerto, second movement soars through my earphones. It’s nice to listen to, but it also reminds me of all the work I have to do so I switch. Mendelsohn’s violin concerto, Mozart’s, Tchaikovsky’s, and so on. In the end I shut of the music and close my eyes. It has been a terrible day, and now my tea is cold and I am late for the train.

The things I do to myself

My throat tightens and my hands are sweating. There are only two more songs before I will stand up in front of everyone and play. The piece has gone on repeat in my head for the last week, but I still can’t get it right. There is one part in the last movement that simply won’t work.

The time arrives, and the other soloist and I stand up and take our places in front of the orchestra. Halfway through the second movement a thought hits me. Why am I doing this to myself? I love playing the violin, but I don’t like making a fool of myself in front three hundred people. I do it anyway, though.

What makes people do things they don’t want to?

My eyes flicker through the room and lands on the conductor; an amazing musician and a lovely person who has so much confidence in me. It’s for him I do it, to prove to him and myself that I can do it, even though I know I can’t. I want to show him that he can trust me, that I am worthy a high position in the orchestra.

I am the kind of person who expect a lot from myself, and when I don’t achieve my goals I get really frustrated and angry. No matter what people say, I am discontented, no one can change my mind. Somehow I still manage to let things go after a while, but it takes a while. My friends and family tell me not to have so high expectations, but how will I then achieve anything? It is the only way for me. If I don’t expect a lot, then I get very little. It is as simple as that.

So maybe, I shall start to prioritize instead. Some things are more important than others. I have to make myself a pause button that I can press now and then, and just let the world go on without me for a while.

This month I will hit my pause button and just live for a while. I am young, and I have my entire life ahead of me. I don’t have to achieve everything now.

Have a lovely autumn everyone!

New notebook

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Over the years I have purchased a lot of notebooks, in fact they keep up three entire shelves in my room. I always keep one nearby, and if not, I always have pen and paper. I like writing down impressions, and things that happens, which inspires me. I also have a lot of ideas for novels, that I am writing on.

But today, I bought the most wonderful notebook I have ever seen, and it is all about music. The book is divided into several sections, some are already set, and some you decide yourself. The first section is called “artists”, and contains a side for each artist where you can write down artists, their genre, albums, songs and quotes. In the next section you can write down and about your favorite lyrics, and in the next one your playlists. There is a section for concerts, who played, where it was, the year, who you went with and your thoughts about it. After that there is a section called my life in music, where you write down feelings about an artist, or a song followed by a section, music-map, which is generally a scrapbook for pictures and notes. After that there are six sections where you can decide what the content will be, yourself. After that the are an index, followed by sheet-paper.

Best purchase in a long time!

I also have to share some news. I am in the market of a new violin, and today in Hamburg I was giving the honor borrowing a violin from one of the many makers in the city. It’s a beautiful instrument with a deep, warm and romantic sound, which suits me very well, and not to mention a copy of a real Stradivarius. I hope my professor will like it! If you know about any great violin-makers (Outside of Cremona, they are so expensive!) I would be really glad for some information.

– Farewell!

music is better than sex!

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I have been thinking about this a lot lately, and I can’t deny the fact anymore. Music is better than an orgasm.

You know when you hear a really great song, and you can just listen to it over and over again? You can’t do that with sex can you? Over and over again without getting tired? About 20 times a day? Really? I can easily do that with songs, and I can get that feeling in my stomach and a chill down my back every time! Just like I cry during all of Titanic every time I watch it, or Dear John. Some songs are simply too perfect!

So here is a list of songs that I think is better than sex:

Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again- Phantom of the Opera

O Children- Nick Cave

Hey You- Pink Floyd

Goodbye Blue Sky- Pink Floyd

Tears to shed- Corpse Bride

Fever- Peggy Lee

Secret Symphony- Katie Melua

Belfast- Katie Melua 

These Are the Days of Our Lives- Queen

Killer Queen- Queen

Mermaids- Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides

A Window to the Past- Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

Swan Lake theme- Tchaikovsky

Poem- Fibich

A very long list, and I think I could have added over a 100 more, but I will not do that. Anyway, these songs and pieces are simply better than an orgasm, and for me there is no arguing at that point.

– So long!