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Category Archives: Diary-ish

Always the best WOman, never bride

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You know, I have always been that girl that guys are like: “Yeah, she’s cool. She’s got a great personality”, but there is nothing more. No more than just good friends.

Why is it like that? Kan someone explain to me why guys wants to be friends with intelligent, wonderful girls (myself included), but when it comes to sex they only want the stupid, sexy ones who only care about how they look?

You must understand, this is not a one-time incident. We’re talking about the last ten years. I have experienced once that the guy I like, is interested in a cool girl. The rest is all tits and fake tan.

And that, leads me to the point of this post; WHat is the definition of sexy? Kan you tell me that, so I can get an appointment for plastic surgery.  I think a good vocabulary and an interest in books is really sexy. A good haircut and some sense of style in the clothes also helps. Let’s face it; There are two types of people in the world: Those who admits that looks matter, and those who lie. Looks do matter, but it seems like girls have a bigger range of what we like. What I mean, is that there is a bigger range of what girls look for in guys than the other way around. You have to look a long time before you find a guy who could like a girl who is not thin like a model, but not out of shape either, with average sized boobs, short, blond, a little thin hair and a pathetic mixture of good and bad posture.

When I think about it, I think the entire concept of sexy is awkward. Girls who wear almost nothing, lying exposed on a couch or on the floor with her hands grabbing her long, dark, slightly curly hair which flows out of the picture. I do not want to switch place with her, only her hair. I just wished I was the girl that guys are like: “Yeah, she’s got a really cool personality. I should ask her out for lunch.”

May you have the same impression, and maybe not. I would nevertheless like to hear about it in the comments below.

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Good luck out there!

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Oh, there’s Spring!

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In my latest post I complained about the very late Spring here in Norway. Anyway, now it’s here! Or at least it’s on its way. I took this photo today, and it literally made my day!

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Spring is finally here!

Thin people

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I am not thin, but I’m not fat either. I’m quite regular, size Small. So why can’t I complain about my body? Thin people also have issues about their body.

The reason I’m blogging about this, is because I was with some friends yesterday and we got talking about beauty and bodies and self confidence. I told them that I didn’t really like my body and that I felt like losing a few pounds, and my friend who is a bit bigger than me, gave me this look. Who the hell do you think you are too say something like that?

Thin people also have body issues. Most girls have, and I don’t think that we should judge people by that, no matter how thin or beautiful they are. No matter what, one should be allowed to have issues with one self. I don’t say that we should, but I would rather want my friends to help me get over my issues or look past them. Not saying that they don’t matter because I’m thin.

Oh dear!

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I have been postponing this post for a long time now, and I still don’t really know what to write. I have written, deleted and rewritten this post so many times, I don’t even know what it is about anymore. After Christmas, I decided to take an unofficial break from blogging to focus on the violin. I had a big audition to the Norwegian Academy of Music, the place I have wanted to study for ten years. I didn’t get in, so I’ve been kind of numb ever since. I needed time to process, and that’s why I’ve been gone for so long. Now, in the other hand I’ve decided to take a year off to practice and get in next year. My teacher was in my jury, and he said I was really close, so I’m positive I’ll get in next year. Wish me luck. See you later!

Saved by the Hobbit

December is everything but relaxing for a musician. I constantly have to play somewhere. This weekend I had a concert on Sunday, and then another one on Monday. Besides this I have school. What I am trying to say is that I am tired, no make that exhausted!

Yesterday someone was talking about the premiere to the Hobbit. I really wanted to go, but thought it was all sold out. It wasn’t. I got myself a ticket and went to the midnight-premiere. It was amazing!

I cannot say I relaxed very much, because so much happened in the movie, but I had a really good time and did something just for fun for the first time in a really long time.

Today, for various reasons, I did not have school, so I have been home the entire day. I have made gingerbread, danced around to goofy music, cleaned the apartment. (Which it really needed), and just relaxed. I have drunk more tea than I have the entire month put together, and painted small “nisser”.

An absolutely perfect day. I think I will make it the last week to Christmas-break after all.

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Happy Christmas every one!

The terrible day

The Chai-latte in my hand is scolding, but I drink it anyway. There is something soothing with the warmth that I can’t really explain.

It has been a terrible day. The morning was lovely; I woke up on my grandmother’s sofa, showered and ate breakfast before I sat down with a great book.  Afterwards I had a violin-lesson in another town and had to take the train. The train was 45 minutes late, and this is where the problems started. My grandmother, the darling, drove me all the way to my teacher and I got there on time. Then, when I am to open my violin-case, it is locked, and the keys are at my grandmothers. My teacher let me use her violin, but tomorrow I am trying out new violins, and for that I need my own bow.

Now I am sitting at the train station, waiting for a train back to my Grandmother to get my keys before I can go home.

The music turns, and Sibelius violin concerto, second movement soars through my earphones. It’s nice to listen to, but it also reminds me of all the work I have to do so I switch. Mendelsohn’s violin concerto, Mozart’s, Tchaikovsky’s, and so on. In the end I shut of the music and close my eyes. It has been a terrible day, and now my tea is cold and I am late for the train.

The things I do to myself

My throat tightens and my hands are sweating. There are only two more songs before I will stand up in front of everyone and play. The piece has gone on repeat in my head for the last week, but I still can’t get it right. There is one part in the last movement that simply won’t work.

The time arrives, and the other soloist and I stand up and take our places in front of the orchestra. Halfway through the second movement a thought hits me. Why am I doing this to myself? I love playing the violin, but I don’t like making a fool of myself in front three hundred people. I do it anyway, though.

What makes people do things they don’t want to?

My eyes flicker through the room and lands on the conductor; an amazing musician and a lovely person who has so much confidence in me. It’s for him I do it, to prove to him and myself that I can do it, even though I know I can’t. I want to show him that he can trust me, that I am worthy a high position in the orchestra.

I am the kind of person who expect a lot from myself, and when I don’t achieve my goals I get really frustrated and angry. No matter what people say, I am discontented, no one can change my mind. Somehow I still manage to let things go after a while, but it takes a while. My friends and family tell me not to have so high expectations, but how will I then achieve anything? It is the only way for me. If I don’t expect a lot, then I get very little. It is as simple as that.

So maybe, I shall start to prioritize instead. Some things are more important than others. I have to make myself a pause button that I can press now and then, and just let the world go on without me for a while.

This month I will hit my pause button and just live for a while. I am young, and I have my entire life ahead of me. I don’t have to achieve everything now.

Have a lovely autumn everyone!